I don't know why, but I always beat myself up. Not physically, but mentally. Today was a big day for me....the first day of coed softball with the peeps I refer to as "the pros." It is a team that Chris has been playing on for a while, the other peeps have been playing with each other for a really long time, and they are good. Seriously. Good. Some of the chicks played softball in college, the guys play on really good all-star type teams.
And then there's me. I haven't played softball since like 7th grade. And I pretty much sucked back then. This year, I told the hubbs I wanted to play coed. So we put together a team, and we play some weeknights on a completely no pressure, in it to have fun team. We are in the lowest of the low brackets, and we're doing well. On that team, I'm comfortable. I hit decently, I make plays decently, and I feel good.
And then there's Sunday.
I struck out (thank God, swinging and not looking) at my first at bat today. Blah. I managed to catch a ball at home plate, but was straddling the fucking plate, so the runner was safe. More blah. I didn't make it on base once; I got thrown out at first at my other two at bats. (Although after the fact, the ump did say he blew the call on my last at bat, and that I was safe....he didn't think I was as speedy as I was.) Even more blah. I caught another ball at home, had my foot on the fucking plate, and it fell right out of my glove, so the runner was safe again. (This time around, the ump told me he was glad I dropped the ball b/c it would have been a really close play; I made his job easier. Yeah. That's why I play. To make his job easier.) More. Fucking. Blah.
In my defense, I've never played catcher before. With my hubby's team, I've been focusing on right field and left field, and feel really comfortable out there. I realized I love chasing down the ball while it is flying through the air, and giving it my best attempt at catching it. I love standing at the ready, making a break for the ball and sprinting after it. I've been called "deceptively fast." Cause, you know, I certainly don't look fast.
On the good side, I did catch a foul ball to get a batter out. So I had that going for me. But still. I came up real short.
Because I let the fact that I think I suck compared to the professionals I'm playing with bring me down. So I played to my expectations of myself. Plus, being thrown in the catchers position without ever playing there put me waaay out of my element. But, that's just an excuse. Basically, it came down to me thinking I sucked in comparison to the others I was playing with, so I sucked.
At least the rest of the team had a shitty game too. So my crappiness didn't stand out as much as it could have. But still.....
This upcoming week is a big one. My new bat should come in, so I'm super excited for that. Friday night I have coed with the fun team, and Saturday we're playing in a tournament. A minimum of three games. I'm not going to get better unless I play, right? Sunday is ball with the pros. I'm going to try to not put so much pressure on myself. Hopefully, things will go well on Friday and Saturday, so I can up my confidence level on the field.
I'll keep you all posted.