Wednesday, November 13, 2013

My Vacuum

So.  A dear friend of mine posted a blog titled "In a Vacuum, No One Can Hear You Suck" (or something like that).  And it got me thinking.  I've been living in a vacuum.  Well, kinda.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  When I'm feeling crappy, or down on myself, I turn inward.  I become less social, less outgoing, and more of a hermit.  I don't want to bother, or be bothered with, people.  Sure, I can *kinda* fake it, but deep down, who the hell am I kidding?  But if I hide, no one can hear me suck.

Anyways.  The Couch to 5k program is over.  It has been for a month.  Yet, I didn't blog about it.  I didn't have the energy to.  (I can already tell, this blog is going to be all over the place and a little ADD.  You've been warned.)  Don't get me wrong....it was the awesomest experience ever, and I've already been asked if I'll be doing it again in the Spring.  (Uh, DUH!)  Some of the participants cried when they crossed the finished line, and I got the biggest hugs ever from them!  Two of the ladies even placed in their age groups!  It was just so emotional.

But I just couldn't find the energy to blog about it.  Yeah.  Can you believe it?  But did you notice....I haven't blogged since August?  Yep. AUGUST.  Wtf?

I had been exhausted.  Not just tired, but exhausted.  I'd go to work, come home, put on pajamas, eat dinner and go to bed at like 6:30.  Fall asleep around 7:30, and sleep until my alarm went off at like 6:00am. And this wasn't happening just once a week.  This was every. single. night.  I'd be so tired at work.  I continued going to Death Gym on Mondays and Fridays and leading the C25K Program on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but my workouts sucked.  I always felt weak, never felt recovered, and was just worn down and dragging.  All the time.  (Ha.  On a side note, on September 8, I had started a draft of a blog I was going to title "I Just Wanna Sleep".....should have paid more attention.)

I tried decreasing my workouts.  (Trust me....Death Gym 2x/week and C25k 2x/week is a huge cutback for me.)  I tried increasing my food.  Nothing worked except that I gained some weight.

After like two months of this nonsense, I had it.  (Chris said it had been going on longer....he's pretty in tune with me.  I had only really noticed it the past two months.)  I went to the doc.  Those of you who know me, know I must have been feeling truly awful to go to the doctor.  She mentioned thyroid, lyme, depression and a couple other things.  Blood pressure was fine.  She then got a pulse-ox thingy and said my oxygen levels were slightly low.  She sent me for bloodwork. (Oh, kudos to Easton Hospital on that one.  I'm usually not a fan, but my doc's associated w/ Easton Hosp.  Went first thing in the morning for the blood draw, and the doc's office called me before noon that same day with the results.)   Anyways, bloodwork normal.

Now what?

Asthma meds.  It didn't even occur to me that being constantly exhausted we be due to asthma.  Apparently, my oxygen levels were low enough that my body was definitely not happy.  Been on the new meds for like three weeks, and I'm feeling like myself!

Oh, lookie there....I'm finally getting to the point of this.  So even though I ran a C25k Program at work, and even though I was still half-heartedly working out, I felt like I was sucking.  And in a vacuum, people can't hear me suck.

But, I'm feeling better, and getting back on it.  Swimming.  Slogging.  Death Gym.  Blogging.  I'm going to try and add in a yoga class here and there.  Getting back to taking care of me.