Monday, February 23, 2015

A Simple Hug

I went to the chiro yesterday, and he really pointed out some awesome things.

But I have to back up a little bit here, only for those who may be newer to my random ramblings.

I've battled with my weight for my whole life.

My. Whole. Life.

Do you realize, that I was never (for as long as I can remember) an acceptable weight.  Even when I was running all the time, and not eating nearly enough (yeah, I figured out why I was dizzy all the fucking time back then....double workouts, not eating enough, and running a shit ton will do that to you) I was not an acceptable weight.

But, well...what is acceptable?  When I got down to 180, I wanted to lose more.  I always thought that I would magically know when I hit that magical weight that would make me happy.

But I didn't.  I kept striving for more, pushing for more, and feeling like crap.

Something had to give.

Fast forward to now.  I'm right around 230.  Yep.  I put it out there for all of you.  230 pounds. Sometimes, I feel like such a fucking failure when I look at it that way.  I think about how big I've gotten all the time now.  But then again, when I was smaller, I kept thinking about how much smaller I could get.

My. Weight. My. Whole. Life.

I have gained 50 freaking pounds since I over-exercised and under-ate my way to my smallest. And that was my problem.  I wanted to be as small as possible.

Fuck that.

Can you believe that now I physically feel better than I have in ages?  I can deadlift 285 on a straight bar without a belt, 315 on a trap bar.  I can front squat 170.  I feel like that is some decent weight.

I'm lifting heavier than ever before, moving some awkward objects in strongman training, and feeling better than ever.  Seems kind of crazy, doesn't it?

The chiro commented about how I'm changing my body.  My ribs were good, my back was good.  My neck needed some adjusting, as well as my hips, but compared to six months ago, I feel completely different.  I feel freaking fabulous.  (I better knock on some wood, so I don't jinx myself.)

Before I left, he stopped to give me a hug, to congratulate me on my success.  He said I'm making my body better; that I had  not only evolved in the past, but that I continue to evolve and improve myself.

That simple hug meant the world to me today.

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