A Break Up

As some of you know, I'm breaking up with Death Gym as of December 1st. And I'm terrified. Seriously. I get all panicky inside and my chest feels tight when i think about it.

I know part of my apprehension is fear of the unknown.  I started working out at LA Fitness in January of 2009, and started lifting with Frank soon after.  We were at LA for a couple of years, went to Unlimited Changes and when that closed, back to LA. Then the current Death Gym opened, and we've been there ever since.

So for the better part of six years  (wow, really?) I've been working with Frank. He was there from the beginning, when i didn't even know what a plank was.  He saw my first real push-up. And when those got easy, he showed me different variations. (It feels quite bad ass doing push-ups with a plate on your back.)  When i told him i wanted to flip a big ass tire, he made it happen. Back squats, front squats, goblet squats....i wouldn't be doing any of that crap right now without his guidance.

He prepared me for Warrior Dashes, Tough Mudders and my first Strongman competition.  

I'm afraid that without him, I'll stagnate. That I'll lose the faith in myself that i can do what I've been doing.

Plus, I'm absolutely terrified about making my own weightlifting routine. It is so easy to go in the gym and have Frank tell me what to do. I don't even know what weights I lift because i never had to worry about it before. I literally "lift things up and put them down".

What if i do it wrong? What if i put the wrong types of exercises together? What if i lose all my strength and go back to suckling at life in general? I've already gained back a bunch of weight. What if i go back to being weak as well?

It's funny, because a lot of people have more faith in me than i do. I've had several people tell me i should go into personal training bc of my knowledge, my experiences and because i love lifting.

But I'm scared to do it on my own.