As most of you know, I have RagnarFLK coming up.....like this week coming up! I am so flipping excited! With this new trip came the need for new clothes. Bigger clothes. Because, well, I'm bigger now. I don't want to go to Florida, trying to squeeze into summer running clothes that don't fit. I don't want to wear "soaking up the sun" clothes that don't fit.
"Why did't you count calories, and cut out carbs, and exercise your brains out in the time leading up to the trip?", you ask. Because that shit is bunk. Restrictive eating and overexercising, for me, leads to bingeing, overeating, and overuse injuries. I'm working on building a healthy relationship with food.....something I have never had in my entire life. I grew up with my mom overeating to the point that she would try to vomit because she was so full. I thought nothing of not eating all day so we could go hog wild at a buffet. Tons of food at McDonalds was commonplace. When I went off to college, those eating habits followed. Once I finally decided to lose weight, I was obsessive about counting calories, demonized food groups, and was a complete food snob. Neither of those types of eating are particularly healthy.
Now, I'm working on mindful eating. If I'm hungry, I eat. If I'm not, I don't. And eating more throughout the day, instead of ignoring my hunger cues, leads to less bingeing and overeating junk. Pretty cool, right.?
Anyways.....since I'm just now approaching this whole balance in food thing, I'm dealing with a bunch of extra weight from when I allowed myself to eat whatever the fuck I wanted. And just because I'm heavier, doesn't mean I don't deserve to feel good about myself.
So I bought some new tops.
In a size I haven't worn in a bajillion ages.
Now, to be fair here, I never really fit in ladies workout tops. Like ever. When I was at my smallest, a top that fit in my shoulders/chest would be way too tight around my belly. But something that fit my belly would be ginormous in the shoulders. (Oddly, I never had this problem with normal clothing....only workout stuff.) So unless I wanted something suctioning me in, or something that would constantly slide down, I pretty much stuck to baggy tech shirts in guy-sizes. I could find the occasional "loose" style ladies top that would do the trick, but the smallest size I could get in those was a Large.
Since eating the food, my boobs came back (yay!) and my shoulders and traps are like brick shithouses. I'm pretty certain my upper body is my favorite part of me, simply b/c it is so STRONG. Sure, my gut grew too, but in my search for some new warm weather running gear, I realized......
My body is actually somewhat proportional now!
(Please don't mind the hot pink pants. All my black ones are getting washed.)
(This top looks a little odd, probably b/c of the bunching.
I'm also thinking it'll look better with the black capris.)
I never would have been able to wear any of these tops when I was smaller, simply because for them to fit my gut, the tops would have been way loose. I now have the goods to hold them up!
So. I'm going to go to Florida. I'm going to wear the bigger clothes. I'm going to run 2.7, 7.8 and 2.0 miles within 36ish hours from Miami to Key West on very little sleep. I'm going to soak up the sun.
Fuck what others think. Because this body is a good body. Take it or leave it.